Beginning the Journey of Self-Transformation – Emerging from the Dark Forest
How can we cultivate a more resilient sense of self?
Life’s setbacks—shattered relationships, departing partners, ended friendships—affect us all. Some people recover swiftly, while others remain mired in pain.
In Emerging from the Dark Forest, psychologist Hai-xian Chen explains:
When both selves coexist in conflict, the inner struggle drains our vitality and darkens our mood. Yet each person’s response to that struggle differs.
Facing Broken Relationships
A broken relationship marks the end of one story and the start of another. Loss need not be solely tragic.
Memories of the relationship’s beauty nourish your new self;
Its pain provides lessons for self-creation.
Bad losses:
Clinging to the past traps you in nostalgia;
Fear of past hurts prevents you from beginning anew.
If we shift our hope toward a stronger new self, the old story becomes fuel for growth. If we cling to the past, the old self obstructs renewal.
The Five Stages of Self-Transformation
Chen Hai-xian outlines five stages in forging a new self:
Stage One: Answering the Call
Discover who you truly wish to become and identify a “container”—a relationship, experience, or space—that can hold your transformation.
Stage Two: Letting Go of the Old Self
As the old self inflicts more pain, you must mourn and ultimately bid it farewell, moving from loss to liberation.
Stage Three: Embarking on a New Journey
With space cleared, new relationships—partners, friends, or work—enter. You experiment and begin to shape a new identity.
Stage Four: Embracing the New Self
You shift from seeking others’ validation to trusting your own judgment. Independent and confident, you settle into your renewed self.
Stage Five: Writing a New Story
Your past becomes the bedrock of a richer narrative. Though even new stories age, you now face them with equanimity.
Chen Hai-xian is a psychologist with a PhD from Zhejiang University and over 18 years of clinical experience, as detailed in his profile on WeRead.
Finally, here’s a line to conclude today’s reading:
forge the person you become.
— Emerging from the Dark Forest
Emerging from the Dark Forest
- Author: Hai-xian Chen
- Publication Year: 2025.3
- Category: Psychology
— From @不略
