How to Master Your Emotions – Your Killer Emotions
When emotions take control, how can you break free?
When reason and feeling clash, an inner war erupts within us.
Dr. Kenneth Lindner, a Harvard‑trained psychologist, presents his Seven‑Step Method in Your Killer Emotions to help you escape emotional gridlock.
The Inner War
Each of us harbors two selves: the rational self and the emotional self.
The rational self generates energy we can harness; the emotional self runs automatically, often beyond our control.
When both energies align, we feel optimism and positivity. When they conflict, they wage war inside us, draining our vitality and giving rise to fear, fatigue, and other negative states.
How do we halt this inner conflict and make wise choices?
Dr. Lindner’s original seven steps are:
- Identify your hidden “emotional triggers”
- Anticipate the outcomes of your choices
- Envision your desired future
- Prevent recurring emotional overreactions
- Create a personalized reminder system
- Make valuable decisions effortlessly
- Reflect on your life’s journey
We can distill these into three core actions:
- Identify emotional triggers
- Forecast and change your choices
- Optimize your life
Identify Emotional Triggers
Emotional triggers lie hidden like bombs—one spark, and they explode.
A very patient friend once blew up at his wife when she said, “Anyone would have made a better husband than you.” Although he tolerates everyday complaints, that line detonated his deepest fear: feeling inadequate.
Everyone has unique triggers—some fear indifference, others dread criticism. When a trigger is hit, emotional energy surges before rational thought can intervene.
We must carve out a moment of breathing space so our rational self can take charge.
Emotions aren’t bad or good; they signal that an inner need is unmet. Recognizing that need calms the storm.
Forecast and Change Choices
Once you know your triggers, you can alter your responses.
In my friend’s case, each insulting remark activated his “I’m a failure” wound. He realized his true need was recognition for his efforts.
Next time, he paused mid‑argument and asked:
- Where will this emotion lead?
- What do I truly want?
- What action serves that goal?
He saw that an outburst only fueled conflict, whereas an honest conversation later would earn him comfort and understanding.
Optimize Your Life
Your life is the sum of countless decisions. Each choice paves a new path.
At every crossroads—like deciding whether to keep scrolling short videos or stop to read—you shape your future.
Mastering both your emotional and rational selves is the lifelong journey that empowers you to make choices reflecting your highest values.
Finally, a closing insight:
— Your Killer Emotions
*Your Killer Emotions*
* Author: Kenneth Lindner * Translator: Qian Feng * Publication Year: 2024.02 * Category: PsychologyRecognizing and harnessing your emotional energy is the first step toward a richer life.
— From @不略
